One thing I have learned in life is all things change. It is a universal law. Many things I gladly let go, while others I clung to with tears in my heart and a stinging to my eyes. I have watched my life change drastically over the last couple of years. My son’s father left us, yet I had my greatest race season yet. The next year I thought I would have an even better season, but instead almost died from parasites and my own pushing of my body, mind, and soul until there was just nothing left.
This last year has been spent learning many more lessons of life. I tend to be fiercely independent. I got to a point though that I realized I was going to die if I didn’t seek help. Some people told me I was courageous to battle so long alone. But what it really was and sometimes still remains are, my feelings of pride, cowardice, and of being unworthy of receiving from others no matter how much I give to them. To swallow this, allow my heart to soften and breakdown the chains by which I had bound it so tightly so I could find trust. Allowing people whom really wanted to help me have that opportunity. Wow. I never knew it could take so much.
This year I learned and remembered that everything has a place. I have received care from the western and eastern medical modalities. Countless forms of alternative care. The universe bringing me to races that there is no way I could have been able to afford to go to them, yet there I was. Inexpensive airplane tickets. Kind strangers allowing me to sleep on their floors and spare bedrooms. Generous race directors comping my entries on faith that my race would fare well. People I didn’t even know inviting me to eat and speak and share each others stories. Wonderful new friends that I hold dear to my heart were met all along the way, sprinkled generously throughout it all.
One of the greatest helps I have received is from a kind dentist I had never met, but heard about the situation with my teeth. The extreme pain and infections from the decay, the tremendous amount of energy it took my body to deal with it ever since last fall, I don’t know how I made it. He offered to help me with my teeth at his cost. The amount of work I needed and still need done is absolutely astounding to my mind, but he is beautiful and perfect and I will forever be grateful for his generosity. He lives in St. George so I typically leave on a Sunday, drive 4 hours to my parents’ with my son. Stay overnight, in the morning get a wonderful southern Utah trail run in. Meet my sister to give her a swim lesson, which I love! Then she watches my son while I spend the remainder of the day with Dr. Jennings. He is a true artist and perfectionist in every way shape and form. If anyone has teeth that they think are beyond help or just want an incredible dentist and either live near St. George or don’t mind traveling there for superb dentistry, let me know and I will put you in contact with him.
On top of all of this, little by little I am beginning to get to know my family again. It has been a long 10 years of misunderstandings on both parts. There were times when I didn’t think I would ever seen them again, but now, partially because of my letting them in and them lightening their judgments, I feel closer to them than I have since I can remember.
Huge lessons learned, especially in trust of others, the universe, and my body. Sounds strange perhaps, but I know that for me to reach my greatest potentials in all aspects of life, trust is such a critical component. So what I have to look forward to the rest of the year are more awesome races (1 La Sportiva and 3 Xterra Xduro 1/2 trail marathons coming upon the horizon). The best thing about that, is I am finally coming into form. Other things are wonderful people and beautiful things in life as well as the possibly of achieving the best health I could ever imagine. 2nd chances (and for me 10th, and 20th, and on and on) in all aspects of life. Change is good!
More soon on new sponsors, a new team, and on and on. So excited!